My First CBT Session

Today was my first appointment for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.  Walking into it, I truly didn't know what to expect.  All I knew was that it was supposed to give me tools to help with my fibro.  I didn't actually get to meet with the therapist I originally scheduled with.  He had to reschedule, but he didn't have an available time slot until the end of August.  So I set up an appointment with someone else.  Kate (can't remember her last name......sad, isn't it?)

I met with her today.  As she escorted me into her office, we realized that the papers I filled out at orientation weren't in my file.  So, I basically got to start from scratch.  No big.  We started talking about my symptoms:  pain, fatigue, sleep deprivation, depression, crying spells, anxiety, to name a few.  While not really fibro related, we started with the crying.  Something I've never really been able to overcome.  I told her it's most difficult when seeing my doctor because I tend to be nervous about what my doctor will say (especially new doctors), whether they will believe Fibro exists or if it's all in my head.  When the crying spells start, they just don't understand it.  She told me it's not that "weird".  She said it's possible that for me, it's a stress coping mechanism.  She said it's perfectly natural, which just made me feel more comfortable and at ease when I did cry in her office.

We talked a lot about the things I'm going through now, my goals for the future, things I dealt with in the past.  Truly, we kinda jumped around a lot.  But the best part was learning that she had fibro too!  I mean of all things, I got assigned to a therapist who knows EXACTLY what I deal with every day.  She had some resources I hadn't really explored too.  She gave me a copy of a magazine she subscribes to and on the back she wrote the name of a book:  From Fatigued to Fantastic by Jacob Teitelbaum.  So, I'll be purchasing that book and will hopefully have it by next week.

The only real disappointment is that she'll be having knee surgery in a couple weeks.  So, she won't be able to see me again until September, but I really like her.  I like that she can relate well to me, so I can deal with waiting.  In the meantime, I can get that book, and begin working through it.

She also suggested I have a simple blood test done as well.  She said that in some cases, the flu-like symptoms that can come on during a flare could actually have it's roots in the Epsteen-Barr Virus, which typically results in cold sores.  She said some people present without cold sores, but can get sores inside the mouth.  With the canker sores I tend to get, I think it's at least worth looking into.  That virus can be managed with medication so if I test positive for it, I might be able to reduce the severity of my flares.

All in all, my hour with her felt very productive and encouraging.  I can't wait for our next appointment. 

I Hope This Is Worth Watching!

I just discovered that Nickelodeon gave the green light to produce the sequel to Avatar: The Last Airbender!  I loved the Avatar series so much, I actually own all three seasons on DVD.  I felt 3 was just too little.  I loved the ending, but hated that it ended.  So hearing that there's a sequel has me giddy!

On the other hand, my disappointment with most sequels gives me mixed feelings.  I am generally pessimistic about sequels, but the creators/producers are staying the same, so that's a good sign.  I really hope this series doesn't leave me dissappointed.

The new series, Avatar: The Legend of Korra (title may change) outlines the story of the next Avatar in the cycle, a girl named Korra from the southern Water Tribe.  Unlike Aang's adventure where we watched him master Water, Earth, and Fire, Korra's story begins with her attempt to master Airbending in a world with few airbenders.  Her journey takes her to Republic City, a city with rampant crime and "a growing anti-bending revolution".

It sounds very interesting and I'll certainly be keeping up with the series when it comes out.

Full article here.

This totally beats my recliner!

OMG OMG OMG!!!

In the words of hamburger loving kitties, DO WANT!

http://gizmodo.com/5594782/motorized-couch-declared-sofa-non-grata-at-byu

"Fixing" Google Images??

I'm an avid reader of Lifehacker.  I love finding new little techy hacks or just fun stuff to read.  But, came across a strange article today here.

For those of you who haven't tried to find any images on Google yet, Google recently changed their image search.  Rather than having to click through page after page for images, you can see up to 1,000 images per page.  I personally rather like this better than the old way.  I can't count the number of times I've gotten to page 28 without finding anything I liked (so I'm picky.  Sue me.)

It's a welcome change, for me at least, but I guess someone wasn't so happy with it since they discovered the hack to change it back to the old way.

I'll pass.  This is one Lifehack I won't be making use of, as far as I can see.

The "I won't let it win" Mentality

A friend of mine told me a story once of a lady he saw once.  He was a police officer on patrol and noticed this lady who was struggling to pull the trash cans up from her curb.  He went to help her, and after talking, learned she had Multiple Sclerosis.  He asked her how she lives with it, and she said "I have MS, MS doesn't have me".

It was a line I've never forgotten and I try to remember as I struggle with Fibromyalgia.  I want to be able to say "I have Fibromyalgia, Fibromyalgia doesn't have me".  But it's a difficult thing to achieve.  The fact is that my life with Fibro is much different than my life before it.  I have had to make adjustments just to cope with even good days.  There are things I've learned my body simply can't handle like it used to.

Does this mean I'm letting Fibro win?  Does Fibro indeed have me?  I don't believe so.

I Hate Mondays

Ok, so, today has been quite stressful.  On top of having to have a project completed today, we had a virus crisis.  Since I'm the resident computer tech, naturally, it landed in my lap.  I would just like to say, MalwareBytes rocks!  Even AVG in safe mode couldn't detect the 11 infections MB found.  But, it certainly added to my stress having to deal with this on the day I needed to finish that project.

I spent hours in agony while one of my trigger points flared up.  It felt like the little devil on my shoulder was poking it relentlessly with his pitchfork.  My tramadol did nothing to help.  But, I stuck it out, determined not to let Dad down.  Now, I'm home recuperating, hoping tomorrow brings me less pain.

In the meantime, for your enjoyment, I'm not the only one who hates Mondays:

The Importance of a Good Chair

So, I had a thought last night as I was trying to sleep (I wish these thoughts would come to me when I'm NOT trying to sleep).  There is one thing that has been my source of comfort since the day I bought it:  my recliner.  When I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, I had had a VERY bad week.  As a matter of fact, what caused me enough pain to see the doctor was sitting in a bad chair for too long.  Bible study used to be held at the local college.  One night we borrowed a classroom to watch a movie.  I should have known better than to sit in those horrid chairs, but I didn't want the embarrassment of leaving early; the well-meaning, but piercing looks of concern.

So, I stayed, and flared, and eventually got my diagnosis, but it was a painful realization that all it takes to send me crashing is a bad chair.  It wasn't long after my diagnosis that I decided to invest in a better chair for home.  I realized there was only one comfortable chair in the house, and grandma was usually sitting in it when I got home, so since I haven't the heart to kick grandma from her chair, I got my own.  I figured I'd do a little looking around and eventually find one.  I budged about $400 for a quality chair.

My first stop was Costco; turns out it would be my last stop.  I went straight to the furniture section (after oggling briefly at the flash drives).  I slowly passed the dining set and a sofa and saw a handful of chairs.  I sat in one that almost swallowed me.  It made me uneasy to sit in and it's footrest didn't support my legs well.  I tried out a few other chairs until I found the perfect chair.

It was a beautiful coffee brown and when I sat in it, I felt every muscle sigh with relief.  I reclined the chair and the footrest was perfectly supporting my legs.  Well, I certainly wasn't going to buy based on first impressions.  I must have sat in that chair for half an hour before I decided this was the one.  And for a mere $250, it was well below budget.  I've used it ever since.

Now, I can ensure perfect comfort when I'm home, but it wasn't until recently I did the same for work.  I, for whatever reason, always figured this "ergonomics" thing was just another way for big companies to talk you into spending more money.  But, for the last 6 months, I noticed a trend.  After 2 hours of sitting in my chair, my lower back would cause me unbearable pain.  Many days, I couldn't work longer than 2 hours, even if I took breaks.

I started seriously considering an ergonomic chair for work.  I talked to my chiropractor and found out what I needed to look for in a good chair:  not too soft, good lumbar support, and something I could sit in for a few hours.  With Dad offering to buy it for me, I started looking around.  I tried several chairs, and was surprised how little the "chiropractor approved" chairs matched with what my chiropractor told me to look for.  So many chairs were too soft, too uncomfortable, or had no lumbar support.  But, finally I found a good one, and for only $150.

I'll tell you what, it makes a huge difference too.  I have almost no back pain, and even on days I do, it doesn't set in until later in the day.  I can't believe that I ever worked without a good chair like this.  Combine this awesome chair with the new 23.6" monitor on my desk, and I'm living in heaven.  We ended up getting it so large because, on top of it being so reasonably priced, it lets me see what I need to without leaning in to see it.

Next purchase: an awesome mattress.

FINALLY!!

I just spent several hours cleaning the notifications on Facebook.  I haven't really dealt with them for months, so I had hundreds of gifts and neighbor requests piled up.  OY!  That was a project!  At least it's clean now.  Tired of accepting gifts that don't exist anymore.

Anyway, it's been such a long week.  I've spent all week working on a drafting project that had to be done today.  Well, it didn't happen.  I'll have it finished on Monday.  But couple the urgency of this project with the unrelenting fatigue, and I'm in sorry shape.  I worked 7 and a half hours today (which is a lot considering I feel a good day is 6 hours).  So, by the end of the day, I was pooped.  Dad took me out to lunch, which was a nice way to wrap up a long day.

My next paycheck should be almost as good as this one.  In my exhaustion, I forgot to finish my timecard, so I have no idea what my total hours are, but it's a fair bit at least.  Like I told Flip, I may regret it, but I have the weekend to recuperate.  Now, I think I'm going to go get me some ice cream.

Fatigue...or Exhaustion. Take your pick.

I'm sooooo tired.  It's been a long week.  And it's only Wednesday!

Monday, I managed to work 6 hours!  I was kinda excited because I haven't worked a 6 hour day in quite a while.  I just have to remember that on days I work, I need to limit myself.  Monday, after work, I went to the grocery store to buy some much needed food.  Just a half hour trip for a handful of items knocked me out for the rest of the day.

On the other hand, after my rheumy ordered me to double my citalopram (anti-depressant) in hopes that it would help my fibro, I'm lots happier.  I don't know yet if it's working, but I'm happy! lol

Yesterday, I took the day off work because I needed my tires replaced.  I've had a slow leak in one for ages.  Grandma offered to help me pay for it so we went to Big O Tires.  Grandma wasn't willing to pay that, but with quote in hand, I could make some phone calls.  So far it seems Sears is the best price, and after calling to reactivate my credit card with them, I can put it on my card and not worry about borrowing yet more from Grandma.  Of course, Grandma gave me the "pay on time every month, don't get late fees" lecture, but I know she means well.

Last night was the orientation for my Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).  Jeff Bryant led it and explained how therapy with Kaiser Permanente works.  There were about 20-25 people there, with different issues.  I only know because some people would mention specific issues and ask questions.  I was surprised how many people were unconcerned with complete strangers knowing what they suffer from.  /shrug

Anyway, after the orientation, I hung around for a bit, waiting for the line of people setting up appointments to die down so I could make mine.  I could have called, but I know I would have forgotten and I hate making phone calls anyway.  I wasn't in any hurry to leave, so I set up with a semi-comfortable chair while everyone else worked out schedules.  I am truly glad working for Dad means I have a very flexible schedule.  And it's not just because I'm his daughter either; he's always been easy going about schedule.  He only cares if the job gets done.

So I finally get to make my appointment (I've learned life is so much less stressful if I am patient;  I have no problem waiting for everyone else to finish).  I have my first session scheduled for next Wednesday with the same guy who led orientation.  He seemed very pleasant and I'm eager to work with him.

Still working on my Princess Peach cross stitch.  I should be able to get some pictures up soon.  I just can't get the lighting right and I'm too tired to bother right now.

Reviving my Blog

Well, it's almost been a year since I posted to my blog, and I think it's time to revive it.  I love to write, but sometimes I lack the diligence to actually do it like I should.

If there's one thing this year has taught me so far, it's how to take life one day at a time.  In January, I had my gall bladder removed because I started having trouble with gallstones.  Unfortunately, I had little understanding of what impact that would have on me.  I expected perhaps a few extra weeks of recovery than the average person might have due to my fibromyalgia, but 6 months later, I'm still struggling to work a decent amount of hours.

My goal?  for now, it's 4 hours a day M-F.  Right now, I'm working pretty much as much as I can, usually amounts to about 10 hours a week.  This week I've nearly killed myself to work more.  But I turned in 15 hours on my timecard this week, plus the holiday, I expect a good paycheck.  The real struggle for me is waking up early enough so I can get to work before noon.

But, progress is progress.  Slow and steady wins the race.  And all the other lame catchphrases I tell myself to feel better.