They always say to enjoy the little things in life. Who's "They"? Heck if I know, but "they" are right. There's no guarantee you get the big things. But the little things are always there.
So, is the feeling of the first night on a brand new mattress a little thing or a big thing? Well, maybe the owning of a brand spanking new mattress is a big thing, but there is nothing so enjoyable as a good night's sleep.
Last night was my first night on my brand new mattress. A couple weeks ago, Grandma and I went to Mattressland. It was a trip we'd planned to have for months, but I had never felt up to doing the shopping involved. But, we finally managed it and a week and a half later, it was in my bedroom.
After Thanksgiving dinner and all the broohaha last night, exhausted from being sick, I took my nightly meds and passed blissfully into the deepest sleep I've had in over a year. I slept solidly from 12:30 to about 8:30 this morning.
Sleeping on my new bed is like sleeping on a cloud! None of the pain I had on my old bed was there. No pain from the springs or wires. My bed cradled me softly and carried me quietly to dreamland. Well, ok, I don't know if there were dreams, but you get what I mean. I can only hope I get sleep like this for years to come!
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Friday, November 26, 2010
Thanksgiving Resolution
Ok, so most people would wait another 5 weeks for the New Year to make their resolution, but I don't want to wait that long. Waiting is something I've had to become accustomed to with Fibro. I have to wait for good days to go shopping or wait until my pain med kicks in to go upstairs. As much as I have to put off, I've started (yes, started....not there yet!) to learn the value of doing what I can now.
So, my resolution, is to write in my blog at least twice a week. I'm trying out a new bit of software that I'm hoping will help me remember to do this. If you're interested, it's called Smart Diary. They have many versions to suit your needs, including a free version and a fully loaded medical version. I'm currently trying out the free version, but if I find I need more from it, I may buy an upgrade. I haven't decided yet. But I love that I can track things I want to, like my pain and fatigue, mood, and more. There are defaults provided, but they can be edited.
I've had a lot of time to think in the last couple weeks. I'm currently pursuing disability because of my fibro. It wasn't an easy decision to make. After family and friends had suggested it for quite some time, I finally had to agree. I would love to just work a normal schedule. I don't want to need help. But there's nothing I can do about it.
So, what can I do? I can choose to not let this stop me. I can choose to keep doing what I can and put out of mind what I can't. I can choose to trust that God has this covered. I trust God would not have allowed me to have this disease unless he also made a way for me to get through it.
I think this is something I'm going to have to remind myself of daily. Fibro won't get easier to live with, but it doesn't mean I can't live. This blog is just one part of that.
So, my resolution, is to write in my blog at least twice a week. I'm trying out a new bit of software that I'm hoping will help me remember to do this. If you're interested, it's called Smart Diary. They have many versions to suit your needs, including a free version and a fully loaded medical version. I'm currently trying out the free version, but if I find I need more from it, I may buy an upgrade. I haven't decided yet. But I love that I can track things I want to, like my pain and fatigue, mood, and more. There are defaults provided, but they can be edited.
I've had a lot of time to think in the last couple weeks. I'm currently pursuing disability because of my fibro. It wasn't an easy decision to make. After family and friends had suggested it for quite some time, I finally had to agree. I would love to just work a normal schedule. I don't want to need help. But there's nothing I can do about it.
So, what can I do? I can choose to not let this stop me. I can choose to keep doing what I can and put out of mind what I can't. I can choose to trust that God has this covered. I trust God would not have allowed me to have this disease unless he also made a way for me to get through it.
I think this is something I'm going to have to remind myself of daily. Fibro won't get easier to live with, but it doesn't mean I can't live. This blog is just one part of that.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
The Late Great Update
After about 3 weeks, I figured it's time to update. I really try to update at least twice a week, but it's been kinda crazy lately. August is always a nutso month due to the millions of birthdays in our family, including mine. I had such a great birthday this year, I really wanted to share it, but sleep deprivation does horrible things to you.
A few weeks ago, I had an 18 hour sleep night....well, actually it was day, I believe. Anyway, that day totally screwed up my sleep schedule, as if I needed any help sleeping poorly. After that I had major issues. I couldn't fall asleep until 4 or 5am and I couldn't wake up until the afternoon. Despite what seemed like a sufficient amount of sleep, I woke up more tired than ever. Either I was asleep for felt like I still needed to.
I'm kinda used to this more or less, but it kills me every time when it affects my work life, social life. My CBT Therapist said dealing with the sleep issues would be the first step to dealing with my Fibro. I was scheduled to see my Rheumatologist the following week, so I brought it up. The doctor put me on Trazadone and told me if after 1 week, I still wasn't sleeping well, to increase the dose to 2 tabs a night.
Trazadone just made me feel worse. I would take it and still not fall asleep for hours. When I finally did fall asleep, I'd sleep all day and wake up more sluggish than ever. To top it off, I would get dizzy spells several times a day. It got to the point I couldn't drive farther than my parent's house for fear the dizzy spells would strike. Fortunately, my little brother was a huge help and could drive me where I needed to go.
After 2 weeks, I called my rheumatologist back and insisted that I needed to try another medication. I remembered taking Ambien a few years ago that worked well back then, so he prescribed that this time. I'm glad now the dizzy spells have subsided, though I am writing this at 4am, it's just a weird situation. I actually went to bed at 10:30 with a headache so bad I was feeling nauseous. But then I woke up at 1:30 so who knows what's going on....
But, despite all these sleep problems, I was still able to have a wonderful birthday. I turned 25 this year, and as is tradition in our family, Mom and Dad took me out to dinner at a place of my choice. Just me and them. I'd always picked Red Lobster or Tahoe Joe's in the past, but this year I was in the mood for something different.
I decided on dinner at the Crystal Palace. I was somewhat surprised I hadn't thought of it sooner. It's been around for 14 years and I haven't been once! So Mom made the reservations and that night we were treated to a stellar dinner, live music, and I even had a couple dances with Dad. That's a sight to see, really. Neither of us have rhythm so we were a bit goofy out there, but it was fun, so didn't really care.
It really was the best birthday I can remember. I won't say I didn't pay for it, because I sure as heck did. The next day, Dad had to drive me to the house for my birthday party (Cake and Presents! YAY!) and my body was killing me all day, but the way I see it, there are some things worth the pain. I think in some ways that's what life is about. Finding out what is worth the pain and doing it. The way I figure it, I don't have to attend every event. I just have to pick and choose the ones that will be the most rewarding.
A few weeks ago, I had an 18 hour sleep night....well, actually it was day, I believe. Anyway, that day totally screwed up my sleep schedule, as if I needed any help sleeping poorly. After that I had major issues. I couldn't fall asleep until 4 or 5am and I couldn't wake up until the afternoon. Despite what seemed like a sufficient amount of sleep, I woke up more tired than ever. Either I was asleep for felt like I still needed to.
I'm kinda used to this more or less, but it kills me every time when it affects my work life, social life. My CBT Therapist said dealing with the sleep issues would be the first step to dealing with my Fibro. I was scheduled to see my Rheumatologist the following week, so I brought it up. The doctor put me on Trazadone and told me if after 1 week, I still wasn't sleeping well, to increase the dose to 2 tabs a night.
Trazadone just made me feel worse. I would take it and still not fall asleep for hours. When I finally did fall asleep, I'd sleep all day and wake up more sluggish than ever. To top it off, I would get dizzy spells several times a day. It got to the point I couldn't drive farther than my parent's house for fear the dizzy spells would strike. Fortunately, my little brother was a huge help and could drive me where I needed to go.
After 2 weeks, I called my rheumatologist back and insisted that I needed to try another medication. I remembered taking Ambien a few years ago that worked well back then, so he prescribed that this time. I'm glad now the dizzy spells have subsided, though I am writing this at 4am, it's just a weird situation. I actually went to bed at 10:30 with a headache so bad I was feeling nauseous. But then I woke up at 1:30 so who knows what's going on....
But, despite all these sleep problems, I was still able to have a wonderful birthday. I turned 25 this year, and as is tradition in our family, Mom and Dad took me out to dinner at a place of my choice. Just me and them. I'd always picked Red Lobster or Tahoe Joe's in the past, but this year I was in the mood for something different.
I decided on dinner at the Crystal Palace. I was somewhat surprised I hadn't thought of it sooner. It's been around for 14 years and I haven't been once! So Mom made the reservations and that night we were treated to a stellar dinner, live music, and I even had a couple dances with Dad. That's a sight to see, really. Neither of us have rhythm so we were a bit goofy out there, but it was fun, so didn't really care.
It really was the best birthday I can remember. I won't say I didn't pay for it, because I sure as heck did. The next day, Dad had to drive me to the house for my birthday party (Cake and Presents! YAY!) and my body was killing me all day, but the way I see it, there are some things worth the pain. I think in some ways that's what life is about. Finding out what is worth the pain and doing it. The way I figure it, I don't have to attend every event. I just have to pick and choose the ones that will be the most rewarding.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
My First CBT Session
Today was my first appointment for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Walking into it, I truly didn't know what to expect. All I knew was that it was supposed to give me tools to help with my fibro. I didn't actually get to meet with the therapist I originally scheduled with. He had to reschedule, but he didn't have an available time slot until the end of August. So I set up an appointment with someone else. Kate (can't remember her last name......sad, isn't it?)
I met with her today. As she escorted me into her office, we realized that the papers I filled out at orientation weren't in my file. So, I basically got to start from scratch. No big. We started talking about my symptoms: pain, fatigue, sleep deprivation, depression, crying spells, anxiety, to name a few. While not really fibro related, we started with the crying. Something I've never really been able to overcome. I told her it's most difficult when seeing my doctor because I tend to be nervous about what my doctor will say (especially new doctors), whether they will believe Fibro exists or if it's all in my head. When the crying spells start, they just don't understand it. She told me it's not that "weird". She said it's possible that for me, it's a stress coping mechanism. She said it's perfectly natural, which just made me feel more comfortable and at ease when I did cry in her office.
We talked a lot about the things I'm going through now, my goals for the future, things I dealt with in the past. Truly, we kinda jumped around a lot. But the best part was learning that she had fibro too! I mean of all things, I got assigned to a therapist who knows EXACTLY what I deal with every day. She had some resources I hadn't really explored too. She gave me a copy of a magazine she subscribes to and on the back she wrote the name of a book: From Fatigued to Fantastic by Jacob Teitelbaum. So, I'll be purchasing that book and will hopefully have it by next week.
The only real disappointment is that she'll be having knee surgery in a couple weeks. So, she won't be able to see me again until September, but I really like her. I like that she can relate well to me, so I can deal with waiting. In the meantime, I can get that book, and begin working through it.
She also suggested I have a simple blood test done as well. She said that in some cases, the flu-like symptoms that can come on during a flare could actually have it's roots in the Epsteen-Barr Virus, which typically results in cold sores. She said some people present without cold sores, but can get sores inside the mouth. With the canker sores I tend to get, I think it's at least worth looking into. That virus can be managed with medication so if I test positive for it, I might be able to reduce the severity of my flares.
All in all, my hour with her felt very productive and encouraging. I can't wait for our next appointment.
I met with her today. As she escorted me into her office, we realized that the papers I filled out at orientation weren't in my file. So, I basically got to start from scratch. No big. We started talking about my symptoms: pain, fatigue, sleep deprivation, depression, crying spells, anxiety, to name a few. While not really fibro related, we started with the crying. Something I've never really been able to overcome. I told her it's most difficult when seeing my doctor because I tend to be nervous about what my doctor will say (especially new doctors), whether they will believe Fibro exists or if it's all in my head. When the crying spells start, they just don't understand it. She told me it's not that "weird". She said it's possible that for me, it's a stress coping mechanism. She said it's perfectly natural, which just made me feel more comfortable and at ease when I did cry in her office.
We talked a lot about the things I'm going through now, my goals for the future, things I dealt with in the past. Truly, we kinda jumped around a lot. But the best part was learning that she had fibro too! I mean of all things, I got assigned to a therapist who knows EXACTLY what I deal with every day. She had some resources I hadn't really explored too. She gave me a copy of a magazine she subscribes to and on the back she wrote the name of a book: From Fatigued to Fantastic by Jacob Teitelbaum. So, I'll be purchasing that book and will hopefully have it by next week.
The only real disappointment is that she'll be having knee surgery in a couple weeks. So, she won't be able to see me again until September, but I really like her. I like that she can relate well to me, so I can deal with waiting. In the meantime, I can get that book, and begin working through it.
She also suggested I have a simple blood test done as well. She said that in some cases, the flu-like symptoms that can come on during a flare could actually have it's roots in the Epsteen-Barr Virus, which typically results in cold sores. She said some people present without cold sores, but can get sores inside the mouth. With the canker sores I tend to get, I think it's at least worth looking into. That virus can be managed with medication so if I test positive for it, I might be able to reduce the severity of my flares.
All in all, my hour with her felt very productive and encouraging. I can't wait for our next appointment.
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