I was inspired to write after reading this article. There are just some days that there is little that will ease my pain. But there are a few things that make it a little easier to deal with.
Everquest 2 - I'm a gamer. Always have been, always will be. The thing that kept me hooked on this game longer than any other is the community. I have so many friends in the game and there is always something to do. And despite the monthly subscription fee, it's cheaper by far than many other forms of entertainment.
Kindle - I love my gadgets. This is one that makes my life so much easier. Lighter and less bulky than even a single paperback book, I can keep a full library in the palm of my hand. On top of that, I have my Bible everywhere I go, so no more "Crap, I'm at church and forgot to bring my Bible!". That alone makes it so worth it! The best part of this, with a little planning, I have my cross-stitch patterns on the go! Which brings me to...
Needlepoint - Whether I'm cross-stitching or creating a cute keychain out of plastic canvas, I find comfort in doing something constructive. On days when the pain is in my hands or wrists, I shy away from this activity, but any other time, having a convenient, portable project to work on makes my day.
Electric Blanket - My savior!!! Grandma got this for me a couple Christmases ago when the winter chill had me in significant pain. I could not imagine not having this anymore. The almost instant warmth I find under it is too exquisite for words!
My Little Brothers - Don't get me wrong, sometimes they are just plain chaotic, but there is little more satisfying than a gentle hug from the baby or playing games with the kids. They are truly blessings.
Diet Cherry Limeade - Ok, no big surprise I'm a heavy drinker, but Sonic loves it! There's something soothing about that drink, and the nice thing is it's caffeine free, because it's made with diet sprite, so my doctor won't throw fits over it and it won't disturb my already disturbed sleep.
My Recliner - This has been my lifeline since before (thank God!) I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. I bought the most comfortable chair I could. It's so soft and poofy (yes, poofy). And since I've fixed it up with my computer so I can play in my recliner, I'm in heaven here. This is kinda a combo of a few Comforts: EQ2, my Electric Blanket, My Recliner, and more often than not, a Diet Cherry Limeade.
DVR - Just got this today. It's one of the little luxuries I've missed having the last few years. My favorite series on DVD made up for it to a degree, but finally having the ability to watch whatever I want whenever I want is great, especially for those insomnia-ridden nights when nothing is on. Or the following mornings when I finally fell asleep an hour before a feature movie I wanted to watch.
Hot Tub - So, sadly, I don't actually own one, but the gym I go to has one. Whether I have the energy to attempt some fibro-friendly exercises in there or I just need to soak, it's a little luxury I enjoy whenever I can get there.
The Best Friends a Spoonie Could Have - Despite a world full of people who just don't get it, there are a few wonderful people in my life who do. I love the people who make my life that much better just by being in it. Real friends, who can put up with all the inconveniences and let downs that I wish I could spare them from, but are always there for me. God truly has blessed me with wonderful friends and family. Without them, I seriously doubt how well I'd be able to live with this condition.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
It's 10:00PM...Do you know where my brain is?
If you do, please catch it and give it to me in a box. If you tell me where it is, I'll either forget or wonder why the funny-looking jello tastes strange.
So, the last 2 days have been, well......educational. I've learned that when sleep-deprived, you won't realize Excedrin relieves a migrane. I've also learned that when sleep-deprived, the very thought of leaving the house will give you one. Oh, and don't ever think you can actually do programming between sleep attempts. What on earth was I thinking???
Short answer....What's thinking? The last week has been an interesting one. I've come to the brink of insanity and come back. I've decided psychological warfare is possibly the most sadistic thing anyone ever thought of. Oh! And I will never ever ever ever ever use blogging or writing software without a spell-checker (between Blogger and Firefox, I'm covered!)
You learn a whole new definition of your limits when you suffer from insomnia. When you suffer from dizzy spells and migraines at the same time limits stop existing. Frankly, I'm surprised I have the cognitive capability to write this (mind you, still using spell check on words like "using". Why it suggested "Husein" is still a mystery.) What was I talking about again?
Oh yeah! Insomnia. It sucks. Don't ever get it. As it stands I've tried 2 over-the-counter medications (different ingredients, of course) 3 prescriptions (one of which was prescribed yesterday) and I still have nothing to put me to sleep. So I'm waiting on a call from the after-hours advice nurse. I'm really hoping she tells me to go to urgent care and get drugged up......
See, thinking back now, the shot of Toridol I got at the doctor's office was probably what gave me my best bit of sleep in weeks. I think they'll object to me going in for a shot in the rear nightly so I can sleep, but at this point I won't object.
All I want for Christmas is sleep. I wonder if Santa administers drugs???
So, the last 2 days have been, well......educational. I've learned that when sleep-deprived, you won't realize Excedrin relieves a migrane. I've also learned that when sleep-deprived, the very thought of leaving the house will give you one. Oh, and don't ever think you can actually do programming between sleep attempts. What on earth was I thinking???
Short answer....What's thinking? The last week has been an interesting one. I've come to the brink of insanity and come back. I've decided psychological warfare is possibly the most sadistic thing anyone ever thought of. Oh! And I will never ever ever ever ever use blogging or writing software without a spell-checker (between Blogger and Firefox, I'm covered!)
You learn a whole new definition of your limits when you suffer from insomnia. When you suffer from dizzy spells and migraines at the same time limits stop existing. Frankly, I'm surprised I have the cognitive capability to write this (mind you, still using spell check on words like "using". Why it suggested "Husein" is still a mystery.) What was I talking about again?
Oh yeah! Insomnia. It sucks. Don't ever get it. As it stands I've tried 2 over-the-counter medications (different ingredients, of course) 3 prescriptions (one of which was prescribed yesterday) and I still have nothing to put me to sleep. So I'm waiting on a call from the after-hours advice nurse. I'm really hoping she tells me to go to urgent care and get drugged up......
See, thinking back now, the shot of Toridol I got at the doctor's office was probably what gave me my best bit of sleep in weeks. I think they'll object to me going in for a shot in the rear nightly so I can sleep, but at this point I won't object.
All I want for Christmas is sleep. I wonder if Santa administers drugs???
Monday, December 13, 2010
Fatigue: Suckage of the Soul
Yeah, that's as close to a decent title as I can get in this state. Suckage is hereby an actual word.
I have been so exhausted the last couple days. I expected immense fatigue after picking Grandma up at the airport. Day trips are usually quite painful and exhausting, despite the enjoyment of it. Oddly enough, though, the next couple days were uneventful. I can't say I was exhausted as much as maybe lethargic. Just didn't feel up to doing anything, really.
Now the weekend was a total switch. I've been up probably a total of 10 hours this weekend. Now I'm fixing to go back to bed. My sleep schedule is whacked, but I have this need to sleep this off. How many more 18+ hour sleep nights I'll need before I feel better, who knows? This is why I can't work for anyone but Dad right now.
It sucks to be undependable. But for now this is what I have to deal with. Right now, I just need to take care of myself. So, yeah, if you can't get ahold of me, I'm probably asleep. Fear not. I'll see the missed message when I wake up. Whether you're awake when I see it, I can't know.
For now, I'm just REALLY glad I got a new mattress. I'm spending more time with it than anything right now.
Off to spend more time with it. Laters!
I have been so exhausted the last couple days. I expected immense fatigue after picking Grandma up at the airport. Day trips are usually quite painful and exhausting, despite the enjoyment of it. Oddly enough, though, the next couple days were uneventful. I can't say I was exhausted as much as maybe lethargic. Just didn't feel up to doing anything, really.
Now the weekend was a total switch. I've been up probably a total of 10 hours this weekend. Now I'm fixing to go back to bed. My sleep schedule is whacked, but I have this need to sleep this off. How many more 18+ hour sleep nights I'll need before I feel better, who knows? This is why I can't work for anyone but Dad right now.
It sucks to be undependable. But for now this is what I have to deal with. Right now, I just need to take care of myself. So, yeah, if you can't get ahold of me, I'm probably asleep. Fear not. I'll see the missed message when I wake up. Whether you're awake when I see it, I can't know.
For now, I'm just REALLY glad I got a new mattress. I'm spending more time with it than anything right now.
Off to spend more time with it. Laters!
Monday, December 6, 2010
Messages in a Bottle
This post is going to be a bit more personal than most. But I'm hoping someone can benefit from my experience.
I have struggled with depression since I was 13. A series of knee surgeries and the loss of a friend left me alone and unable to keep up with people my age. As time went on, new friends came and went, but lingering, unsolved pain and depression remained. I always felt like I stood out from my peers. I felt so different and felt people judged me for having pains they couldn't see. But I always thought after high school, things would be better. The truth is, however, that there's not much from that time that I can remember as positive. Up until the time I was 20, most of my life had been one crapstorm after another.
I tried to find enjoyment, and picked up a card game I really enjoyed. My brothers also liked it, so at one point, I would take them with me every Friday to a local book store for a tournament. And then, one day, I ran into Brian, an old friend of mine from high school. He worked security there, and was on his rounds with his partner and friend, Chris.
I had no idea how that would change my life. Brian told me how he attended a bible study with Chris every week and invited me to come. Now that blew my mind. The Brian I knew had struggled to find his way, and to hear him now inviting me to a bible study, well, I had to see what it was that would have him inviting people to it.
I'd always been a Christian, and I'd attended bible studies in the past. I never stayed with one as long as this though. I met the most wonderful people there. These people grew to become my best friends. We laughed, cried, and prayed together.
As I grew more comfortable with my new friends, I started leading worship. I had always loved to sing, and they allowed me to use that for God's glory. I found peace every week in this.
The year I turned 21 had been especially hard. I sunk deeper into the depression I thought I had gotten over. That was the year my bible study planned to go Christmas caroling. When I declined to go, my friends knew there was a problem and confronted me.
Now, Chris and his wife, Sarah, have this way of really getting to what is bothering you. Pretty soon, I was spilling my guts. Chris brought us out IBC Cream Sodas. He told me to stop and just enjoy the cream soda. I was to let go of all the crap that had happened and just enjoy it for the moment. When I was finished, I felt a little better, but not enough to counter 8 years of heartache and hurt. After a while, Chris told me to list 5 good things that had happened that week. I can't tell you how hard that was. I felt surrounded by so much bad stuff, finding something I couldn't complain about was hard.
As hard as it was, I eventually managed it. Chris took the bottles and washed them out and came back with mine in hand. As he dried it out, he gave me an assignment (he'd make a great teacher. He loves giving out homework). Every day, I was to think of just one good thing that had happened. Just one thing I could be thankful for. Once I found my one thing, I would write it down on a piece of paper and put it in the bottle. When I had filled the bottle, we would share another bottle of cream soda.
Pretty soon, I found myself finding joy in the little things. Even on the bad days, I could hear Chris's voice saying, "So what's one good thing?" Every day, as I got off work, looking back over my day, I'd find my thoughts of "Oh my gosh, it's been such a crappy day!" change to "Yeah, but at least..." The bottle of post-its in the cupholder in my car was a constant reminder.
When I finally filled it, we shared cream sodas again and looked over the last year. On looking back, we realized that I had had only 2 breakdowns in that year, compared to dozens prior to that. I cried tears of joy as I realized how far I had come. I realized I had shed more tears of joy this year than I had shed tears of sorrow or hurt.
Chris and Sarah told me that people noticed a difference in me and had told them so. The end of that night, I left with my full bottle in hand as a reminder and a new one to fill up with more good things.
I still battle with my depression at times, but this exercise taught me to look at life differently. There are times I try to talk myself out of doing something I want to do, but I look at the good, the fun I'll have. If nothing else, this is another tool in my battle with my depression.
This Christmas is hopeful again. I see the good things again. My outlook has changed. My relationship with God and with others has improved. I am changing the parts of my life that need to change. I'm taking more pride in myself and more joy in my life. Life isn't just the waiting period for heaven, anymore. It's not something I'm forced to endure until I see my Maker. It's something to enjoy again.
My battle may never end. This may be a fight I'm in for my whole life, but I look at it this way. God works everything for the good of those that love Him, right? Even the bad things that happened in my life had their purposes. And perhaps someone can benefit from my story.
I hope by sharing this with you, it has blessed you in some way. God Bless and Merry Christmas!
I have struggled with depression since I was 13. A series of knee surgeries and the loss of a friend left me alone and unable to keep up with people my age. As time went on, new friends came and went, but lingering, unsolved pain and depression remained. I always felt like I stood out from my peers. I felt so different and felt people judged me for having pains they couldn't see. But I always thought after high school, things would be better. The truth is, however, that there's not much from that time that I can remember as positive. Up until the time I was 20, most of my life had been one crapstorm after another.
I tried to find enjoyment, and picked up a card game I really enjoyed. My brothers also liked it, so at one point, I would take them with me every Friday to a local book store for a tournament. And then, one day, I ran into Brian, an old friend of mine from high school. He worked security there, and was on his rounds with his partner and friend, Chris.
I had no idea how that would change my life. Brian told me how he attended a bible study with Chris every week and invited me to come. Now that blew my mind. The Brian I knew had struggled to find his way, and to hear him now inviting me to a bible study, well, I had to see what it was that would have him inviting people to it.
I'd always been a Christian, and I'd attended bible studies in the past. I never stayed with one as long as this though. I met the most wonderful people there. These people grew to become my best friends. We laughed, cried, and prayed together.
As I grew more comfortable with my new friends, I started leading worship. I had always loved to sing, and they allowed me to use that for God's glory. I found peace every week in this.
The year I turned 21 had been especially hard. I sunk deeper into the depression I thought I had gotten over. That was the year my bible study planned to go Christmas caroling. When I declined to go, my friends knew there was a problem and confronted me.
Now, Chris and his wife, Sarah, have this way of really getting to what is bothering you. Pretty soon, I was spilling my guts. Chris brought us out IBC Cream Sodas. He told me to stop and just enjoy the cream soda. I was to let go of all the crap that had happened and just enjoy it for the moment. When I was finished, I felt a little better, but not enough to counter 8 years of heartache and hurt. After a while, Chris told me to list 5 good things that had happened that week. I can't tell you how hard that was. I felt surrounded by so much bad stuff, finding something I couldn't complain about was hard.
As hard as it was, I eventually managed it. Chris took the bottles and washed them out and came back with mine in hand. As he dried it out, he gave me an assignment (he'd make a great teacher. He loves giving out homework). Every day, I was to think of just one good thing that had happened. Just one thing I could be thankful for. Once I found my one thing, I would write it down on a piece of paper and put it in the bottle. When I had filled the bottle, we would share another bottle of cream soda.
Pretty soon, I found myself finding joy in the little things. Even on the bad days, I could hear Chris's voice saying, "So what's one good thing?" Every day, as I got off work, looking back over my day, I'd find my thoughts of "Oh my gosh, it's been such a crappy day!" change to "Yeah, but at least..." The bottle of post-its in the cupholder in my car was a constant reminder.
When I finally filled it, we shared cream sodas again and looked over the last year. On looking back, we realized that I had had only 2 breakdowns in that year, compared to dozens prior to that. I cried tears of joy as I realized how far I had come. I realized I had shed more tears of joy this year than I had shed tears of sorrow or hurt.
Chris and Sarah told me that people noticed a difference in me and had told them so. The end of that night, I left with my full bottle in hand as a reminder and a new one to fill up with more good things.
I still battle with my depression at times, but this exercise taught me to look at life differently. There are times I try to talk myself out of doing something I want to do, but I look at the good, the fun I'll have. If nothing else, this is another tool in my battle with my depression.
This Christmas is hopeful again. I see the good things again. My outlook has changed. My relationship with God and with others has improved. I am changing the parts of my life that need to change. I'm taking more pride in myself and more joy in my life. Life isn't just the waiting period for heaven, anymore. It's not something I'm forced to endure until I see my Maker. It's something to enjoy again.
My battle may never end. This may be a fight I'm in for my whole life, but I look at it this way. God works everything for the good of those that love Him, right? Even the bad things that happened in my life had their purposes. And perhaps someone can benefit from my story.
I hope by sharing this with you, it has blessed you in some way. God Bless and Merry Christmas!
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