Mercies in Disguise

I've been going through a lot lately.  Emotionally, physically, and spiritually.  I'm stunningly aware of my vulnerability as I go through the emotions of a child with divorcing parents. I daily feel the ache and longing for love after a breakup. And some days that's enough to want to stay in bed, even if I didn't have to deal with my Fibro.

It's times like this I fully realize that I can't do it.  I am weak.  I am frail.  And there is no reason for me to think anything good could come from my future.  Except for one thing.  I know in all of this, God is holding my hand, guiding me, and even when it feels like I'm walking alone, like the Footprints in the Sand poem, those are the times He carries me.

One of the biggest ways God speaks to me is through music.  I had the most beautiful experience the other night.  I had spent most of the day crying.  I was in pain, everywhere, but mostly in my heart.  I found myself questioning God.  I cried out to Him, "What more do you want from me?!  I can't take anymore!"

That night, sobbing and with nothing left to do but pray and sleep, I turned on the radio like I do every night.  For 2 hours straight, song after song played that said exactly what I needed to hear.  It was like God programmed the radio just for me.  I felt Him say, "I'm sorry you are hurting.  But I am with you.  I won't leave you.  All your worries, all your fears, cast them on me.  You are my child and I will take care of you."

I cried, but not in anguish as I had that day.  My tears were tears of healing.  My God is my Comforter.  And that night, though there are 6 billion people in the world, I felt His undivided attention and love.

One song that I have been hearing everywhere lately is called "Blessings" by Laura Story.  It has been played everywhere, and I bought it and keep it on my phone just so I can listen to it when I need to.  I watched a video on YouTube where she explained the backstory of this song.  I love hearing the story behind songs and I could relate to this one.  The link is above, but to summarize, a year and a half into her marriage, her husband developed a brain tumor.  In faith, she and her husband pray for healing, but it doesn't come.  She has struggled with how to reconcile a God who allows such things to happen, but she says God is teaching her that sometimes He has to leave us broken so he can work through us in greater ways.

The story is similar to mine with fibromyalgia and so I can relate to it.  Perhaps that is why her song touches me so much.  I'll link the lyrics here.  In her song she asks, "What if your healing comes through tears? What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know you're near?"  I've been learning lately that it is not through the easy times in life that we learn or are perfected, but it is through our trials. In our suffering, God slowly, and yes, painfully, chips a little away here, smooths there.  All to make us more beautiful.  More like Him.

Philippians 1:6 For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus. (NASB)

But we also have to remember that while God is making us more like Him, he does not do it remotely.  He is THERE with you.  He will comfort and guide you and He will never put on you more than you can bear.

2 Corinthians 1:2 For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ. 

Psalm 34:10 The young lions do lack and suffer hunger;
But they who seek the Lord shall not be in want of any good thing. 

This isn't even the best part.  These things are good and we need to hear them.  We need to know that God doesn't abandon us when life becomes too difficult.  The best part, however, comes at the end of the song: 

When friends betray us, when darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home

What if my greatest disappointments
Or the achings of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst
This world can’t satisfy?

Deep down, inside every person, is the longing - no, the desperation -  for more than this world can offer.  We are all homesick.  The human heart was made with a longing for heaven and nothing in this world can come close to what we need.

Romans 8:18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us.

How much greater will our homecoming be after the trials here on Earth?  I think we probably couldn't appreciate the greatness of heaven without enduring here in this world.  How much more will we enjoy the eternal, never-ending presence of God in our midst, day after day, having had the anticipation in this life?  What if all our trials, all our suffering, every person who hurts us, the guilt and fear and anger we feel, are indeed mercies in disguise, allowing God to prove to us that our faith is not empty?  What if this is just another way God make's himself known to us?

Like Laura Story sings, "What if the trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?"

As always, I would appreciate any comments about my posts.  Thoughts, encouragement, and criticism are welcome.  I am constantly developing as a writer and as a child of God and I would love to hear from you.