Despite what the title might indicate, this has nothing to do with my kindle. However, that post will be coming soon! Sarah, you can look forward to my glowing post about that! No, I'm writing today about rekindling my interest in web design.
Five years ago, I enjoyed a job as a web designer for a local company. When I left that job and went to work for my dad, my interest took a back seat to learning how to design houses and engineer buildings. It was a fun experience while it lasted, but I never really had the interest in it that I had in web design.
Well, now I'm unemployed and I have a lot of spare time on my hands and the itch to do something constructive with it has struck again. I tried to appease that itch before with crafts. It was enjoyable, but it has it's limitations. It's hard to cross-stitch when my wrist acts up, for example. I can see web design having similar issues. If a particular day the fibro fog is thick, I may not be in the best shape for programming. But I think a combination of the two should keep me occupied.
But since it's been a few years since I last designed a website, I feel a bit rusty. After all, HTML5 has taken off, and there's lots of new features to play with. CSS3 (something I looked forward to years ago) now seems to be standard. I'm looking forward to learning all the new tricks. And designing for smartphones is even more important these days, and I'm up for the challenge.
I'm enjoying it. Whether this just stays a hobby or turns into a source of income, I'm going to enjoy learning and having something to do.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Strength
Last November, I finally decided I couldn't work anymore. That was the most difficult decision I had to make about my illness. To me, not working was a sign of failure and weakness. It took a lot of people a lot of time to tell me otherwise and convince me to file for disability. Though I moved forward with it, I felt as if the strength I gained from working was lost.
I often had to work harder and be stronger to do things others could do with ease. Working was one of those things. I can remember days, a multitude of them, where I had to push myself to get through a work day. Sometimes I failed; I would have to go home early or stay home altogether, but I never beat myself up over it because I knew I had done my best. For the most part, though, I had built a successful working life, despite my struggles.
I could remind myself of my strengths because I knew that my struggles only made me stronger. Oh, how easy it would have been to just give in, but that's not who I am. In high school, when my knee kept me from being with the other cheerleaders, I cheered from the sidelines. When I fell behind my classmates at Magic Mountain or Disneyland, I pushed and struggled alone to catch up. Any time everything in me wanted to just give up, I never did. I was strong, stronger than anyone knew, because it took me twice the effort to do what everyone else could.
When I lost my ability to work, at least work enough to pay bills, I felt I no longer had that strength. I felt I lost my worth. How could I contribute anything to anyone if this part of everyone's life was something I could not do anymore? I know of people with exactly what I have, or more, who were able to work, and here I am, so young, and yet, incapable, inferior.
I cried so many tears in the fight to accept my limits. Friends and family can attest to the fact I did not want to quit. To this day, that pain lingers. But it allowed me something I never knew I needed. Losing the ability to work forced me to find my worth in something else: a God who formed me in my mother's womb, set each day ahead of me, and knew my every struggle, triumph, failure, and desire. This God reminded me time and time again that His strength is made perfect in MY weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9). He told me that I can do all things through HIM who gives me strength (Philippians 4:13).
It took losing my own strength to see that it is God who is my strength. My strength isn't dependent on how much I can work, or how hard I push myself, but on how much I rely on God. As I begin to see God's plan for my life in the things and people He is placing in my path, I realize that I needed to lose my vision of myself in order to depend on God and let Him mold me into the woman I am becoming.
I'm not even close to perfect about relying on God or letting Him judge my value and worth. But bit by bit, He is stripping away that which made me believe I could do it alone, that I didn't need help. Though it is painful, and I see but a scarred remnant of what I once was, I know God sees me becoming more beautiful and radiant as my life reflects His touch. I need to learn to see myself as God sees me, but He's working on that too. =)
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Mercies in Disguise
I've been going through a lot lately. Emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I'm stunningly aware of my vulnerability as I go through the emotions of a child with divorcing parents. I daily feel the ache and longing for love after a breakup. And some days that's enough to want to stay in bed, even if I didn't have to deal with my Fibro.
It's times like this I fully realize that I can't do it. I am weak. I am frail. And there is no reason for me to think anything good could come from my future. Except for one thing. I know in all of this, God is holding my hand, guiding me, and even when it feels like I'm walking alone, like the Footprints in the Sand poem, those are the times He carries me.
One of the biggest ways God speaks to me is through music. I had the most beautiful experience the other night. I had spent most of the day crying. I was in pain, everywhere, but mostly in my heart. I found myself questioning God. I cried out to Him, "What more do you want from me?! I can't take anymore!"
That night, sobbing and with nothing left to do but pray and sleep, I turned on the radio like I do every night. For 2 hours straight, song after song played that said exactly what I needed to hear. It was like God programmed the radio just for me. I felt Him say, "I'm sorry you are hurting. But I am with you. I won't leave you. All your worries, all your fears, cast them on me. You are my child and I will take care of you."
I cried, but not in anguish as I had that day. My tears were tears of healing. My God is my Comforter. And that night, though there are 6 billion people in the world, I felt His undivided attention and love.
One song that I have been hearing everywhere lately is called "Blessings" by Laura Story. It has been played everywhere, and I bought it and keep it on my phone just so I can listen to it when I need to. I watched a video on YouTube where she explained the backstory of this song. I love hearing the story behind songs and I could relate to this one. The link is above, but to summarize, a year and a half into her marriage, her husband developed a brain tumor. In faith, she and her husband pray for healing, but it doesn't come. She has struggled with how to reconcile a God who allows such things to happen, but she says God is teaching her that sometimes He has to leave us broken so he can work through us in greater ways.
The story is similar to mine with fibromyalgia and so I can relate to it. Perhaps that is why her song touches me so much. I'll link the lyrics here. In her song she asks, "What if your healing comes through tears? What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know you're near?" I've been learning lately that it is not through the easy times in life that we learn or are perfected, but it is through our trials. In our suffering, God slowly, and yes, painfully, chips a little away here, smooths there. All to make us more beautiful. More like Him.
Philippians 1:6 For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus. (NASB)
But we also have to remember that while God is making us more like Him, he does not do it remotely. He is THERE with you. He will comfort and guide you and He will never put on you more than you can bear.
2 Corinthians 1:2 For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ.
Psalm 34:10 The young lions do lack and suffer hunger;
But they who seek the Lord shall not be in want of any good thing.
This isn't even the best part. These things are good and we need to hear them. We need to know that God doesn't abandon us when life becomes too difficult. The best part, however, comes at the end of the song:
It's times like this I fully realize that I can't do it. I am weak. I am frail. And there is no reason for me to think anything good could come from my future. Except for one thing. I know in all of this, God is holding my hand, guiding me, and even when it feels like I'm walking alone, like the Footprints in the Sand poem, those are the times He carries me.
One of the biggest ways God speaks to me is through music. I had the most beautiful experience the other night. I had spent most of the day crying. I was in pain, everywhere, but mostly in my heart. I found myself questioning God. I cried out to Him, "What more do you want from me?! I can't take anymore!"
That night, sobbing and with nothing left to do but pray and sleep, I turned on the radio like I do every night. For 2 hours straight, song after song played that said exactly what I needed to hear. It was like God programmed the radio just for me. I felt Him say, "I'm sorry you are hurting. But I am with you. I won't leave you. All your worries, all your fears, cast them on me. You are my child and I will take care of you."
I cried, but not in anguish as I had that day. My tears were tears of healing. My God is my Comforter. And that night, though there are 6 billion people in the world, I felt His undivided attention and love.
One song that I have been hearing everywhere lately is called "Blessings" by Laura Story. It has been played everywhere, and I bought it and keep it on my phone just so I can listen to it when I need to. I watched a video on YouTube where she explained the backstory of this song. I love hearing the story behind songs and I could relate to this one. The link is above, but to summarize, a year and a half into her marriage, her husband developed a brain tumor. In faith, she and her husband pray for healing, but it doesn't come. She has struggled with how to reconcile a God who allows such things to happen, but she says God is teaching her that sometimes He has to leave us broken so he can work through us in greater ways.
The story is similar to mine with fibromyalgia and so I can relate to it. Perhaps that is why her song touches me so much. I'll link the lyrics here. In her song she asks, "What if your healing comes through tears? What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know you're near?" I've been learning lately that it is not through the easy times in life that we learn or are perfected, but it is through our trials. In our suffering, God slowly, and yes, painfully, chips a little away here, smooths there. All to make us more beautiful. More like Him.
Philippians 1:6 For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus. (NASB)
But we also have to remember that while God is making us more like Him, he does not do it remotely. He is THERE with you. He will comfort and guide you and He will never put on you more than you can bear.
2 Corinthians 1:2 For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ.
Psalm 34:10 The young lions do lack and suffer hunger;
But they who seek the Lord shall not be in want of any good thing.
This isn't even the best part. These things are good and we need to hear them. We need to know that God doesn't abandon us when life becomes too difficult. The best part, however, comes at the end of the song:
When friends betray us, when darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the achings of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst
This world can’t satisfy?
Or the achings of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst
This world can’t satisfy?
Deep down, inside every person, is the longing - no, the desperation - for more than this world can offer. We are all homesick. The human heart was made with a longing for heaven and nothing in this world can come close to what we need.
Romans 8:18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us.
How much greater will our homecoming be after the trials here on Earth? I think we probably couldn't appreciate the greatness of heaven without enduring here in this world. How much more will we enjoy the eternal, never-ending presence of God in our midst, day after day, having had the anticipation in this life? What if all our trials, all our suffering, every person who hurts us, the guilt and fear and anger we feel, are indeed mercies in disguise, allowing God to prove to us that our faith is not empty? What if this is just another way God make's himself known to us?
Like Laura Story sings, "What if the trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?"
As always, I would appreciate any comments about my posts. Thoughts, encouragement, and criticism are welcome. I am constantly developing as a writer and as a child of God and I would love to hear from you.
Saturday, June 25, 2011
A Little At A Time
Today's going to be one of those days. I knew that yesterday. And Why? Because I didn't follow my #1 rule. "A Little At A Time".
The one thing having fibromyalgia has taught me is that pacing yourself is paramount. For about a year now, I've kept to the "One Major" rule. One major task a day. Work or shopping; never both. Any more than one, and I risk a flare. No, "risk" is the wrong word. That indicates there's only a chance. "Ensure". I ensure a flare.
So, here's the ultimate question: what made me think I could do 3 shopping trips yesterday? In my defense, the third was unintended. Though, if I am to be honest with myself, I was not even up to shopping at all. I had eyed the stairs between me and my clothes with dread. My legs burned and my shoulders were in agony by the time I got up the stairs. Somehow, I got up the gumption to get dressed and wait downstairs for my Mom to pick me up.
But I forgot my socks so back upstairs I went.
Fortunately there was about an hour still of waiting for Mom, so I got a little rest. I had 2 goals: grocery shopping and a run to the craft store. Mom wanted to stop at another store to pick up some stuff for the house, and I had to admit, I wanted to go as well anyway. I got some much needed stuff for my bedroom, so it wasn't for naught.
Next stop was Michael's. This is always a doozy for me. Every time I plan to go, I think it will be a quick run to pick up a few things. But I can't help but look at everything when I go. It's like a candy store. So many bits and baubles and inspiration around every turn. It's glorious!
Somehow, I managed to not get the very thing I went there to buy. I don't understand how a craft store can completely run out of black embroidery floss, but they did. Oh well, I'll buy it later.
Now for the groceries. As we pulled in, and I reminded Mom of my handicapped placard (lifesaver!), I thought, "OK, I've walked through all the other stores, so I can just take the scooter this time. It's probably best." Isn't it just my luck, there were none.
OK, I'll be dead on my feet by the end of the day, but I'll muddle through. A third of the way through the store and I'm ready to quit. But I really need to get some things, so I press on. What do I find when I finally check out? If you guessed "scooter" you were right. Figures, right?
By this time, I'm wiped out. Thank God for little brothers. Andrew and Evan were a huge help getting my groceries put away. I spent the rest of the night doing nothing. Ok, that's not true, I did get the non-perishables put away. Even after all I'd put myself through that day, I still had the urge to DO something. I resisted the urge to clean my room up a bit when I went to bed.
Exhausted as my day made me, I woke up early this morning. I always know it's going to be bad when I wake up early. It doesn't change how tired I am, I'm just awake. So, I'm expecting the next couple of days to be rough. I really hope I can make it to church on Sunday.
The moral of this story: It doesn't matter how much everyone else can manage in a day, never do more than you are capable of doing. A Little at a Time. Doing otherwise turns you into me: taking naps at 10 in the morning. Speaking of which, I'm heading upstairs. I need more sleep if I'm going to be up to my One Task tonight.
Hoping you all take everything A Little at a Time. (I eagerly look forward to questions or comments about my writing. Constructive criticism is also welcome. Thank you to all of you who read these and learn something from them.)
The one thing having fibromyalgia has taught me is that pacing yourself is paramount. For about a year now, I've kept to the "One Major" rule. One major task a day. Work or shopping; never both. Any more than one, and I risk a flare. No, "risk" is the wrong word. That indicates there's only a chance. "Ensure". I ensure a flare.
So, here's the ultimate question: what made me think I could do 3 shopping trips yesterday? In my defense, the third was unintended. Though, if I am to be honest with myself, I was not even up to shopping at all. I had eyed the stairs between me and my clothes with dread. My legs burned and my shoulders were in agony by the time I got up the stairs. Somehow, I got up the gumption to get dressed and wait downstairs for my Mom to pick me up.
But I forgot my socks so back upstairs I went.
Fortunately there was about an hour still of waiting for Mom, so I got a little rest. I had 2 goals: grocery shopping and a run to the craft store. Mom wanted to stop at another store to pick up some stuff for the house, and I had to admit, I wanted to go as well anyway. I got some much needed stuff for my bedroom, so it wasn't for naught.
Next stop was Michael's. This is always a doozy for me. Every time I plan to go, I think it will be a quick run to pick up a few things. But I can't help but look at everything when I go. It's like a candy store. So many bits and baubles and inspiration around every turn. It's glorious!
Somehow, I managed to not get the very thing I went there to buy. I don't understand how a craft store can completely run out of black embroidery floss, but they did. Oh well, I'll buy it later.
Now for the groceries. As we pulled in, and I reminded Mom of my handicapped placard (lifesaver!), I thought, "OK, I've walked through all the other stores, so I can just take the scooter this time. It's probably best." Isn't it just my luck, there were none.
OK, I'll be dead on my feet by the end of the day, but I'll muddle through. A third of the way through the store and I'm ready to quit. But I really need to get some things, so I press on. What do I find when I finally check out? If you guessed "scooter" you were right. Figures, right?
By this time, I'm wiped out. Thank God for little brothers. Andrew and Evan were a huge help getting my groceries put away. I spent the rest of the night doing nothing. Ok, that's not true, I did get the non-perishables put away. Even after all I'd put myself through that day, I still had the urge to DO something. I resisted the urge to clean my room up a bit when I went to bed.
Exhausted as my day made me, I woke up early this morning. I always know it's going to be bad when I wake up early. It doesn't change how tired I am, I'm just awake. So, I'm expecting the next couple of days to be rough. I really hope I can make it to church on Sunday.
The moral of this story: It doesn't matter how much everyone else can manage in a day, never do more than you are capable of doing. A Little at a Time. Doing otherwise turns you into me: taking naps at 10 in the morning. Speaking of which, I'm heading upstairs. I need more sleep if I'm going to be up to my One Task tonight.
Hoping you all take everything A Little at a Time. (I eagerly look forward to questions or comments about my writing. Constructive criticism is also welcome. Thank you to all of you who read these and learn something from them.)
Friday, March 25, 2011
The Armor of God
I am so proud of my little brother. He's such an awesome writer and so brilliant. So when he wrote this piece, I just wanted to share it with the world! I've never seen such meaning from so simple a scripture, but Evan really brings Paul's perspective to us today. I highly encourage you to read this. Any comments you have, I will be happy to deliver.
God bless you as you read this and apply it to your life.
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The Armor of God
By Evan Miller
God bless you as you read this and apply it to your life.
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The Armor of God
By Evan Miller
You know, as I was reading Ephesians a few nights ago, I was struck with a sudden thought. Reading through the description of the armor of God, I've come to realize, Paul did not choose these representations at random, but rather, each piece hold a unique, deep meaning, and how it may be applied to our lives. Take a look.
The Helmet:
The Helmet of Salvation is what it is called in the Bible. Now, in the times of the roman military, a roman legionnaire would wear a helmet, not so much for protective purposes. Rather, they had plumes and supposedly decorative markings on the top. Why? To identify them. In battle, the archers often stood on the high ground, looking down on the battlefield, on the top of the soldiers heads. To ensure that they were firing into the enemy ranks, and not into their own, they looked for these plumes on the helmets to tell their soldiers apart from the enemy. The helmet of salvation is what identifies us as part of the Lord's army. It is the piece which says, 'This one belongs to God'.
The Breastplate:
The Bible refers to the righteousness a Christian is granted as a breastplate. There are two very interesting points to be seen in this. When we think of a breastplate, we think a piece of armor that protects the torso. The modern equivalent is a kevlar vest. The disconnect in that thinking, is that bulletproof vests protect both the chest as well as the back. However, at the time Paul penned this, the Roman breastplate was a piece of armor that protected only the front, the side that was supposed to be towards the enemy. The back was often unarmored. Some have theorized that Romans thought a soldier running from an enemy deserved to be killed and left their backs unarmored. Others because, well, armor is expensive, and by only armoring one side it became cheaper. Either way, the principle was the same. The breastplate only works facing your enemy. Turning away or running leaves you vulnerable.
And yet, there's another principle here. The breastplate was the piece of armor, that played the part when all else failed. When his sword couldn't deflect the swing, when the soldier's shield fell, the breastplate protected him. In other words, the breastplate only actually does its work....in failure. This rings true of us as well Together with salvation, when your grasp on your sword falters, and your faith, your shield, seems to break, God's breastplate screams "RIGHTEOUS! You are righteous! You have been made anew! Though you may not know your sword, even when your arm is too weak to raise your shield, I will still stand, for He still stands!" And the darts of your enemy which exploited your failures bounce off your breastplate. God gave it to you. It doesn't break. Your other two defenses have to be used, but this one doesn't. Your sword must be swung, your shield must be raised, but your righteousness simply is. God gave it to you, you wear it, there is nothing done on your part for it to be. When you fail, it doesn't.
The Belt:
The belt, or in some translations, the girdle, is the Belt of Truth. And it is given by God for two invaluable reasons. The first is because having your pants fall down in the middle of a battle is just plain embarrassing.
All joking aside, the interesting thing to note, is that in those days, a roman soldier carried his sword in a scabbard on his hip, strapped to his belt. The belt, truth, carries the Sword of the Spirit. Truth and the Word are not separate. One does not have to delve into delusion and willfully blind himself to reality to believe in Jesus. Creation screams the evidence of a Creator. Our souls yearn for the Father. Every facet of life is made in order and holds a foundation of fact. If the fact is that God is true, then the facts of creation will, and do, reflect that. There does not need to be any apologizing or excusing for the Bible. It is true, the world around us represents this truth. The Bible is fact. It is supported by it, and it rests in it. As the sword is held in the belt, so is the Word of God to be found in truth.
The Shoes:
Shod your feet with the Gospel of Peace. Though we often refer to them as the 'Shoes of Peace', to be historically accurate, Roman soldiers actually wore rugged sandals that tied around the ankles and up the calf. But 'The Sandals of Peace' reminds me of flip-flops for some reason and that mental image is just plain ridiculous, so we're gonna call them the shoes here. In all the portrayals of soldiers, no matter the nation, no matter how fanciful, ridiculous, and blown out of proportion the portrayal may be, no one ever imagines them barefoot. Why? Because, aside from the fact that it would look absolutely ridiculous, it was also highly impractical. These are soldiers, not interior decorators. Battles aren't held on plush carpets, trimmed lawns, or paved city streets....or rather, if it was on the streets, they were usually dirty, strewn with litter and debris. Also, it usually meant you were losing. Battlefields were rough, wild, untamed fields in the middle of nowhere. Armies fought in the hills, on the fields, in swamps and desert and frost-covered fields. The shoes were given that, in the rough terrain of the battlefield, a soldier may not be comfortable, but they could bear the rigors of maneuvering in the harsh locales without shredding their feet to the point of being no longer able to stand. So too is the Gospel in this world, a covering for us that we can live and walk and stand in a world overrun with evil and strife and wickedness. Because of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, we can have peace and hope in a world that would otherwise make that impossible. Because of it, we can stand.
Also, it's really useful when you need to give the enemy a good swift kick to the rear end.
The Shield:
The Shield of Faith is not our first line of defense, but it is our most stout. Your sword might not ward off that blow, but this will. Roman armies carried a heavy full shield that was known as a scutum. These shields were might bastions of defense, warding off any blow. Like a shield, our faith can be raised even when our sword seems a little clumsy. In faith we can say, "I do not know the answer now, but I do know the Lord." In faith we raise an impenetrable defense that can sometimes seem a little frightening at times. When one raises a shield, they often can see little but that. A shield blocks the defender's vision so that they cannot see their Commander or their battlefield. They can only see that life-saving wall, and feel the strength of the enemy hammering on it. But they still come out alive.
However, how much greater that shield when joined with others! Roman legionnaires carried this scutum which was tall enough to cover the whole body, and what they did was the shields were crafted to interlock with others. Why? Because when a soldier on the front line joined his shield with the shields of his fellows, it would lock together to create a wall of steel. The soldiers in the other ranks would raise their shields over their head, protecting every member of the formation in one single, mighty shell which no arrow could penetrate. When the enemy fires their darts, raise your shield. Though it may seem scary, though you might not be able to see just now, it will keep you safe. When the arrows are too many, join your shield with your fellows, and let the body of Christ and the fellowship of his church protect you. Your battle wasn't meant to be fought alone.
The Sword:
The Sword of the Spirit. The Word of God. A soldier entering into battle without his armor won't last long, but a soldier without a sword isn't in the fight at all! We often imagine it as a mighty, gigantic blade lesser men could not hope to handle! Carving great swaths through enemies and breaking formations before it! This is exactly what the Sword isn't. The Roman military actually used short swords about two and a half feet long. This weapon was called a gladius. Not exactly the mighty image that would be seen in, say, a five foot claymore. Yet, with this weapon, the Roman military was enormously successful. Why? For several reasons. Though not outwardly powerful compared to the mighty weapons of their barbarian enemies, the short sword was agile and very easy to handle. Wielding it was not tireing, and it could dance easily around a larger blade, break apart a formation, and decimate armies. Not with huge cleaves that wiped out dozens with one swing, but with quick, sharp, precise strikes, joined with the efforts of the soldiers at his side, a Roman soldier toppled the mightiest of fortresses with seemingly the weakest of blades.
Lethal and quick, a sword does not only slay your enemy, but wards off their attack. When you defend yourself with the sword you are in a position to strike back, and the demons and lies will melt before you. Remember also, this weapon was not meant to be used alone. A single, small blade only does so much. Joined with Christ's armies, however, Satan's strongholds stand no chance. Your greatest weapon, your first defense. The Spirit of God.
So put on the full armor of God, not just in word or thought, but it is the defense in your whole life. A soldier needs to know his equipment. It was given to you by a Commander with more sense than you. Do you trust Him? Then you can trust the armor He gave you. Do you know Him? Know what He gave you as well.
I pray God blesses all who read this. Always remember that He's with you, and He didn't save you to let you die out here.
The Helmet:
The Helmet of Salvation is what it is called in the Bible. Now, in the times of the roman military, a roman legionnaire would wear a helmet, not so much for protective purposes. Rather, they had plumes and supposedly decorative markings on the top. Why? To identify them. In battle, the archers often stood on the high ground, looking down on the battlefield, on the top of the soldiers heads. To ensure that they were firing into the enemy ranks, and not into their own, they looked for these plumes on the helmets to tell their soldiers apart from the enemy. The helmet of salvation is what identifies us as part of the Lord's army. It is the piece which says, 'This one belongs to God'.
The Breastplate:
The Bible refers to the righteousness a Christian is granted as a breastplate. There are two very interesting points to be seen in this. When we think of a breastplate, we think a piece of armor that protects the torso. The modern equivalent is a kevlar vest. The disconnect in that thinking, is that bulletproof vests protect both the chest as well as the back. However, at the time Paul penned this, the Roman breastplate was a piece of armor that protected only the front, the side that was supposed to be towards the enemy. The back was often unarmored. Some have theorized that Romans thought a soldier running from an enemy deserved to be killed and left their backs unarmored. Others because, well, armor is expensive, and by only armoring one side it became cheaper. Either way, the principle was the same. The breastplate only works facing your enemy. Turning away or running leaves you vulnerable.
And yet, there's another principle here. The breastplate was the piece of armor, that played the part when all else failed. When his sword couldn't deflect the swing, when the soldier's shield fell, the breastplate protected him. In other words, the breastplate only actually does its work....in failure. This rings true of us as well Together with salvation, when your grasp on your sword falters, and your faith, your shield, seems to break, God's breastplate screams "RIGHTEOUS! You are righteous! You have been made anew! Though you may not know your sword, even when your arm is too weak to raise your shield, I will still stand, for He still stands!" And the darts of your enemy which exploited your failures bounce off your breastplate. God gave it to you. It doesn't break. Your other two defenses have to be used, but this one doesn't. Your sword must be swung, your shield must be raised, but your righteousness simply is. God gave it to you, you wear it, there is nothing done on your part for it to be. When you fail, it doesn't.
The Belt:
The belt, or in some translations, the girdle, is the Belt of Truth. And it is given by God for two invaluable reasons. The first is because having your pants fall down in the middle of a battle is just plain embarrassing.
All joking aside, the interesting thing to note, is that in those days, a roman soldier carried his sword in a scabbard on his hip, strapped to his belt. The belt, truth, carries the Sword of the Spirit. Truth and the Word are not separate. One does not have to delve into delusion and willfully blind himself to reality to believe in Jesus. Creation screams the evidence of a Creator. Our souls yearn for the Father. Every facet of life is made in order and holds a foundation of fact. If the fact is that God is true, then the facts of creation will, and do, reflect that. There does not need to be any apologizing or excusing for the Bible. It is true, the world around us represents this truth. The Bible is fact. It is supported by it, and it rests in it. As the sword is held in the belt, so is the Word of God to be found in truth.
The Shoes:
Shod your feet with the Gospel of Peace. Though we often refer to them as the 'Shoes of Peace', to be historically accurate, Roman soldiers actually wore rugged sandals that tied around the ankles and up the calf. But 'The Sandals of Peace' reminds me of flip-flops for some reason and that mental image is just plain ridiculous, so we're gonna call them the shoes here. In all the portrayals of soldiers, no matter the nation, no matter how fanciful, ridiculous, and blown out of proportion the portrayal may be, no one ever imagines them barefoot. Why? Because, aside from the fact that it would look absolutely ridiculous, it was also highly impractical. These are soldiers, not interior decorators. Battles aren't held on plush carpets, trimmed lawns, or paved city streets....or rather, if it was on the streets, they were usually dirty, strewn with litter and debris. Also, it usually meant you were losing. Battlefields were rough, wild, untamed fields in the middle of nowhere. Armies fought in the hills, on the fields, in swamps and desert and frost-covered fields. The shoes were given that, in the rough terrain of the battlefield, a soldier may not be comfortable, but they could bear the rigors of maneuvering in the harsh locales without shredding their feet to the point of being no longer able to stand. So too is the Gospel in this world, a covering for us that we can live and walk and stand in a world overrun with evil and strife and wickedness. Because of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, we can have peace and hope in a world that would otherwise make that impossible. Because of it, we can stand.
Also, it's really useful when you need to give the enemy a good swift kick to the rear end.
The Shield:
The Shield of Faith is not our first line of defense, but it is our most stout. Your sword might not ward off that blow, but this will. Roman armies carried a heavy full shield that was known as a scutum. These shields were might bastions of defense, warding off any blow. Like a shield, our faith can be raised even when our sword seems a little clumsy. In faith we can say, "I do not know the answer now, but I do know the Lord." In faith we raise an impenetrable defense that can sometimes seem a little frightening at times. When one raises a shield, they often can see little but that. A shield blocks the defender's vision so that they cannot see their Commander or their battlefield. They can only see that life-saving wall, and feel the strength of the enemy hammering on it. But they still come out alive.
However, how much greater that shield when joined with others! Roman legionnaires carried this scutum which was tall enough to cover the whole body, and what they did was the shields were crafted to interlock with others. Why? Because when a soldier on the front line joined his shield with the shields of his fellows, it would lock together to create a wall of steel. The soldiers in the other ranks would raise their shields over their head, protecting every member of the formation in one single, mighty shell which no arrow could penetrate. When the enemy fires their darts, raise your shield. Though it may seem scary, though you might not be able to see just now, it will keep you safe. When the arrows are too many, join your shield with your fellows, and let the body of Christ and the fellowship of his church protect you. Your battle wasn't meant to be fought alone.
The Sword:
The Sword of the Spirit. The Word of God. A soldier entering into battle without his armor won't last long, but a soldier without a sword isn't in the fight at all! We often imagine it as a mighty, gigantic blade lesser men could not hope to handle! Carving great swaths through enemies and breaking formations before it! This is exactly what the Sword isn't. The Roman military actually used short swords about two and a half feet long. This weapon was called a gladius. Not exactly the mighty image that would be seen in, say, a five foot claymore. Yet, with this weapon, the Roman military was enormously successful. Why? For several reasons. Though not outwardly powerful compared to the mighty weapons of their barbarian enemies, the short sword was agile and very easy to handle. Wielding it was not tireing, and it could dance easily around a larger blade, break apart a formation, and decimate armies. Not with huge cleaves that wiped out dozens with one swing, but with quick, sharp, precise strikes, joined with the efforts of the soldiers at his side, a Roman soldier toppled the mightiest of fortresses with seemingly the weakest of blades.
Lethal and quick, a sword does not only slay your enemy, but wards off their attack. When you defend yourself with the sword you are in a position to strike back, and the demons and lies will melt before you. Remember also, this weapon was not meant to be used alone. A single, small blade only does so much. Joined with Christ's armies, however, Satan's strongholds stand no chance. Your greatest weapon, your first defense. The Spirit of God.
So put on the full armor of God, not just in word or thought, but it is the defense in your whole life. A soldier needs to know his equipment. It was given to you by a Commander with more sense than you. Do you trust Him? Then you can trust the armor He gave you. Do you know Him? Know what He gave you as well.
I pray God blesses all who read this. Always remember that He's with you, and He didn't save you to let you die out here.
Monday, March 21, 2011
I Stopped Praying for Healing
From a young age, my prayers have often been sprinkled with requests for healing. When the pain gets really bad, that's when I pray for it the most. As a teenager, going to a Christian school, when the teacher asked for prayer requests, I would always request healing for my knees (where it all began).
As time went on, the prayers for healing continued, yet no healing came. I knew God was either saying "no" or "it's not time yet". I think I always thought that with enough prayer, God would give me what I want.
But I'm done praying for healing. It's not that I don't want to be healed, nor do I think God will never heal me. But I've come to a powerful realization in the last few weeks. In all my prayers, I asked for my will to be done, but never gave a thought about His.
So, I've resolved myself to a new prayer. I'm praying that God will show me how I can use this situation for His glory. I may never be rid of this pain, this trial, but just as Paul was given a thorn in his flesh, I believe I too have been given this for a reason. I know as long as I have faith and allow God to use me in whatever way he can, I will be blessed despite my suffering.
I have always known little things that got me through the worst of this. God will never give me more than I can handle. In God all things are possible. In my weakness, his strength is made perfect. But I think I always applied those in hopes that I would be healed one day. It wasn't until I started praying this new prayer that I found a new peace. Perhaps by finally putting God's desires ahead of my own in this area, I opened a door for God to shower new blessings on me.
And healed or not, God has a plan for me. Perhaps, gentle reader, you too have something you've been struggling with that you want more than anything for God to just take it away. I hope this encourages you. I truly believe there is a drastic change in us when we acknowledge God's will and desire it above our own. Who knows how lives will be touched when we stop letting our desires get in the way of God using us for His purpose?
As time went on, the prayers for healing continued, yet no healing came. I knew God was either saying "no" or "it's not time yet". I think I always thought that with enough prayer, God would give me what I want.
But I'm done praying for healing. It's not that I don't want to be healed, nor do I think God will never heal me. But I've come to a powerful realization in the last few weeks. In all my prayers, I asked for my will to be done, but never gave a thought about His.
So, I've resolved myself to a new prayer. I'm praying that God will show me how I can use this situation for His glory. I may never be rid of this pain, this trial, but just as Paul was given a thorn in his flesh, I believe I too have been given this for a reason. I know as long as I have faith and allow God to use me in whatever way he can, I will be blessed despite my suffering.
I have always known little things that got me through the worst of this. God will never give me more than I can handle. In God all things are possible. In my weakness, his strength is made perfect. But I think I always applied those in hopes that I would be healed one day. It wasn't until I started praying this new prayer that I found a new peace. Perhaps by finally putting God's desires ahead of my own in this area, I opened a door for God to shower new blessings on me.
And healed or not, God has a plan for me. Perhaps, gentle reader, you too have something you've been struggling with that you want more than anything for God to just take it away. I hope this encourages you. I truly believe there is a drastic change in us when we acknowledge God's will and desire it above our own. Who knows how lives will be touched when we stop letting our desires get in the way of God using us for His purpose?
Friday, February 18, 2011
Top Ten Creature Comforts
I was inspired to write after reading this article. There are just some days that there is little that will ease my pain. But there are a few things that make it a little easier to deal with.
Everquest 2 - I'm a gamer. Always have been, always will be. The thing that kept me hooked on this game longer than any other is the community. I have so many friends in the game and there is always something to do. And despite the monthly subscription fee, it's cheaper by far than many other forms of entertainment.
Kindle - I love my gadgets. This is one that makes my life so much easier. Lighter and less bulky than even a single paperback book, I can keep a full library in the palm of my hand. On top of that, I have my Bible everywhere I go, so no more "Crap, I'm at church and forgot to bring my Bible!". That alone makes it so worth it! The best part of this, with a little planning, I have my cross-stitch patterns on the go! Which brings me to...
Needlepoint - Whether I'm cross-stitching or creating a cute keychain out of plastic canvas, I find comfort in doing something constructive. On days when the pain is in my hands or wrists, I shy away from this activity, but any other time, having a convenient, portable project to work on makes my day.
Electric Blanket - My savior!!! Grandma got this for me a couple Christmases ago when the winter chill had me in significant pain. I could not imagine not having this anymore. The almost instant warmth I find under it is too exquisite for words!
My Little Brothers - Don't get me wrong, sometimes they are just plain chaotic, but there is little more satisfying than a gentle hug from the baby or playing games with the kids. They are truly blessings.
Diet Cherry Limeade - Ok, no big surprise I'm a heavy drinker, but Sonic loves it! There's something soothing about that drink, and the nice thing is it's caffeine free, because it's made with diet sprite, so my doctor won't throw fits over it and it won't disturb my already disturbed sleep.
My Recliner - This has been my lifeline since before (thank God!) I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. I bought the most comfortable chair I could. It's so soft and poofy (yes, poofy). And since I've fixed it up with my computer so I can play in my recliner, I'm in heaven here. This is kinda a combo of a few Comforts: EQ2, my Electric Blanket, My Recliner, and more often than not, a Diet Cherry Limeade.
DVR - Just got this today. It's one of the little luxuries I've missed having the last few years. My favorite series on DVD made up for it to a degree, but finally having the ability to watch whatever I want whenever I want is great, especially for those insomnia-ridden nights when nothing is on. Or the following mornings when I finally fell asleep an hour before a feature movie I wanted to watch.
Hot Tub - So, sadly, I don't actually own one, but the gym I go to has one. Whether I have the energy to attempt some fibro-friendly exercises in there or I just need to soak, it's a little luxury I enjoy whenever I can get there.
The Best Friends a Spoonie Could Have - Despite a world full of people who just don't get it, there are a few wonderful people in my life who do. I love the people who make my life that much better just by being in it. Real friends, who can put up with all the inconveniences and let downs that I wish I could spare them from, but are always there for me. God truly has blessed me with wonderful friends and family. Without them, I seriously doubt how well I'd be able to live with this condition.
Everquest 2 - I'm a gamer. Always have been, always will be. The thing that kept me hooked on this game longer than any other is the community. I have so many friends in the game and there is always something to do. And despite the monthly subscription fee, it's cheaper by far than many other forms of entertainment.
Kindle - I love my gadgets. This is one that makes my life so much easier. Lighter and less bulky than even a single paperback book, I can keep a full library in the palm of my hand. On top of that, I have my Bible everywhere I go, so no more "Crap, I'm at church and forgot to bring my Bible!". That alone makes it so worth it! The best part of this, with a little planning, I have my cross-stitch patterns on the go! Which brings me to...
Needlepoint - Whether I'm cross-stitching or creating a cute keychain out of plastic canvas, I find comfort in doing something constructive. On days when the pain is in my hands or wrists, I shy away from this activity, but any other time, having a convenient, portable project to work on makes my day.
Electric Blanket - My savior!!! Grandma got this for me a couple Christmases ago when the winter chill had me in significant pain. I could not imagine not having this anymore. The almost instant warmth I find under it is too exquisite for words!
My Little Brothers - Don't get me wrong, sometimes they are just plain chaotic, but there is little more satisfying than a gentle hug from the baby or playing games with the kids. They are truly blessings.
Diet Cherry Limeade - Ok, no big surprise I'm a heavy drinker, but Sonic loves it! There's something soothing about that drink, and the nice thing is it's caffeine free, because it's made with diet sprite, so my doctor won't throw fits over it and it won't disturb my already disturbed sleep.
My Recliner - This has been my lifeline since before (thank God!) I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. I bought the most comfortable chair I could. It's so soft and poofy (yes, poofy). And since I've fixed it up with my computer so I can play in my recliner, I'm in heaven here. This is kinda a combo of a few Comforts: EQ2, my Electric Blanket, My Recliner, and more often than not, a Diet Cherry Limeade.
DVR - Just got this today. It's one of the little luxuries I've missed having the last few years. My favorite series on DVD made up for it to a degree, but finally having the ability to watch whatever I want whenever I want is great, especially for those insomnia-ridden nights when nothing is on. Or the following mornings when I finally fell asleep an hour before a feature movie I wanted to watch.
Hot Tub - So, sadly, I don't actually own one, but the gym I go to has one. Whether I have the energy to attempt some fibro-friendly exercises in there or I just need to soak, it's a little luxury I enjoy whenever I can get there.
The Best Friends a Spoonie Could Have - Despite a world full of people who just don't get it, there are a few wonderful people in my life who do. I love the people who make my life that much better just by being in it. Real friends, who can put up with all the inconveniences and let downs that I wish I could spare them from, but are always there for me. God truly has blessed me with wonderful friends and family. Without them, I seriously doubt how well I'd be able to live with this condition.
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